The Line in Between

A minute has passed—now, two. From the absence of thoughts comes a raging confusion. Scattered, indecisive thoughts plague the mind as it contemplates on a situation: to care or not to care. In between thoughts, one might cross over the desire of becoming catatonic and rather stable in the midst of a crossroad, that there might be a choice to just shrug our shoulders when we encounter human emotions—or when we encounter a decision that is to be made between giving sentiment over something or someone you’ve spent and invested time and effort to or just completely be deadpan towards them.

Some might decide not to care over someone for the desire of giving them a taste of solitude, a taste of abandonment or betrayal. Some might decide to be blank about such things and refuse to acknowledge a burgeoning emotion inside for the fear of being hurt again. Some might completely move on and decide to be in a good place. What are the chances of the latter for us to achieve it? Thinly, I’m afraid.

I gave possible reasons, but I believe that one of the forces that compels one to decide to be a robot instead of acknowledging their emotions is “fear”—fear of having to be hurt again, fear of reliving that disappointing moment or fear for anyone who might get hurt instead.

But it’s not enough to tell you the cliché and the obvious. We have seen movies, read a number of books and heard people’s stories: we have a tendency to ignore our feelings once more in fear. In those stories, however, it has always been said, that refusing to acknowledge those feelings never get us anywhere, that completely ignoring what is natural to us human beings will only result to more depressing situations and lonesome lives. This truth has been spoken and experienced.

Yet there are a few who would disagree: at least, there was a point in some people’s lives that they may think, “It wouldn’t matter if I care or not, as long as I go on and live my own life, I don’t have to care for these people who have hurt and abandoned me.” Some people might even throw in a positive outlook saying, “I can live without having to hear their opinions of me, or what they feel about me. Eventually, I’ll be happy treading my own path.”.

Those movies, books and stories might have an antagonist in their existence. It is true though, that sometimes we don’t have to listen to what other people say, that we can give no sentiment to people who have hurt us but rather, they provide us with teachings to help shield ourselves from ever having to encounter situations like it again. After all, it would a shame on us, if we put ourselves in emotional danger after going through something like it in the past, as if we haven’t learned.

This is because somehow, there is an inexplicable bliss to snap our fingers and in that second, we decide to just shrug everything off and say, “Hey, I really don’t have to carry this burden of being sad and lonely. I could just be this,” while we stare blankly at the eyes of the people we gave ourselves to. We are not talking about not caring for people who called us “unappealing” or “fat” or people who have shamed or just hurt us. We are talking about people who were there, who put smiles to our frowning faces, ones we KNOW would eventually hurt us but would understand that their request for forgiveness is as genuine as a genie’s wish—until such a time that they have made a horrible mistake that grew larger and larger until we can’t take it anymore: our patience over the edge, our love drained, our cores numb and any room for reason and logic is no more.

There is that bliss, not of ignorance, but of the idea where we could just smile briefly and walk away…from everything. There are dangerous people wishing to end their lives or people intent on being melancholic and in trauma because of a situation similar to what was said. Those are people we may never understand nor the people we can judge. But there is an inescapable truth: that life will go on. Whether we end it or continue living it. Whether we rot in the cells of our own misery or choose to find happiness—life will go on.

Therefore, can we simply walk away? To bask in the bliss of being cold and heartless because what would be wrong about it? What could be wrong with having to spare both parties from ever having to feel anything that could compromise the peace? Think about it.

Or can we give our very best impression of a person beaten and hurt yet can give forgiveness just to end it all?

Because sometimes, we either want to forgive or give them what we think they deserve: equal punishment in way of abandonment and a cold shoulder.

There goes that line in between: where we decide which way to cross. To give in to the sentiment we have invested, to the effort both parties have made for each other, for the love that blossomed that just seemed to eventually wither or…to just not care.

Whichever we choose, it is a decision we made for ourselves, but the question of whether which decision is right and healthy to our humanity is up until the end of our contemplations on the matter. Each person is different, in his views or beliefs—it is just right to reckon we will have different answers.

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